Hindi na naman makahinga cabinet at drawers ko sa dami ng damit ko. Halos karamihan di ko din naman sinusuot. Ang dami ko na namang idedespatsa. Nako Maan kelan ka ba matututo? Bilhin mo lang yung mga sure mong magagamit mo. yan tuloy
“I never thought I could one day be writing you these words. My heart was so filled with love for you. This morning when I feeling so lonely, it was still my heart that pushed me into saying “I love you” and, unfortunately, it’s also my heart that’s making me say we are through.
Yes, this is the end for us, maybe because we weren’t patient enough to overcome a few small problems… maybe we weren’t able to deal with each others sensibilities and we didn’t believe that poems that says “between intention and gesture lies a distance…”
Yes… yes, it’s true. There is a distance between intention and gesture because I know I’ve always wanted to make you happy, just as I know you also wanted to make me happy. Yet, by pure incompetence on both parties, we weren’t able to realize this. So, it’s best we put an end to this love affair.
I know we will always be close to each other. We will bump into each other in the same bars and other usual places, and, inevitably, our eyes will meet. Still, the tears I shed with you have dried out, and the source of those tears has been extinguished. Still today, you’ll find your name engraved on my heart, but I’m trying hard to make it beat to a different pace, now that it will no longer have the sound of your voice to move it.”— The exact words I want to say to you hahahahah chareng ok past is past :P
"Sabi nila, kapag mahal mo ang ginagawa mo hindi ka mapapagod."
Hah! Mahal ko ang ginagawa ko. Kaso umabot na tlaga sa puntong hindi na ako nageenjoy sa service ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano at kelan ko ‘to naramdaman. Umiiwas na din ako sakanila. Ewan ko ba. Nakakamiss pero hay :> iwas muna talaga ako
Minsan napapagod na talaga ako sa sitwasyon ko. Walang ibang inaasahan dito sa bahay kundi ako. Tuwing nagrereview ako, palaging wrong timing kasi ang daing inuutos. Tuwing aalis ako, dapat balik din kaagad kasi walang katulong hays
Kapag nagmahal ka, dapat walang hinihinging kapalit. Hndi yung kaya mahal mo sya kasi makapal ang wallet nya o kaya naman dahil may kotse sya. Kapag nagmahal ka, kailangan buo yung pagmamahal at atensyon na ibibigay mo sa partner mo. Hindi yung makikihati pa sya sa oras mo. Kapag nagmahal ka, dapat loyal ka. Hindi yung mahal mo sya, tapos may mahal ka pa palang iba. Kapag nagmahal ka, pahalagahan mo sya. Hindi yung kung kelan ayaw na nya, saka ka naman eepal at mangugulo sa masayang buhay nya.
As a core, idealistic truth, love is all that matters. In practice, especially between fundamentally flawed and unfinished beings, it’s not. Sometimes our love isn’t greater than whatever is doled out beside it. It doesn’t always win out. Sometimes it shouldn’t.
When you first realize someone could be something to you, the days become hazy and fluid and the last thing on your mind is logistics. It seems cold to be calculating at the beginning, to compartmentalize a person and see if those parts match up to the whole you envisioned.
We’re so quick to glide over whatever instinctive inkling resonates every time we realize there’s a void greater than our love for someone can fill. We press on, seldom realizing that every relationship culminates in deciding whether or not those instincts are the ones to follow.
Love exists in multitudes. In shades and elements and dynamics. In pieces and in learning, in growth and in change. In strangers and in soul mates. It does not exist as a single, expendable truth or experience. We’re so quick to attach that idea to one person or one relationship. We don’t want to go through the motions of experiencing those levels of commitment, attraction, interrelation with anybody else. The risk of losing is too great, but withholding waives the possibility of ever finding it in the first place.
Some relationships are long, steady, and easy; some are quick and enlightening and challenging. Some brush along our surface and others dive beneath and uproot us. Some might be temporary, one might last “forever.” That doesn’t mean it has to be the only one there is. That doesn’t mean there’s not something to be experienced, to be taken, to be learned, from whatever came before.
You can’t make a relationship something more than what it inherently is. You can’t make yourself fit into something you inherently won’t.
The whole of human love is what’s enough, the parts are just precursors.
We are unfinished, every last one of us. We have to let go of wishing each chapter was the last one because we’re afraid of how it could end otherwise. We have to stop forcing people into being the end-all-be-all for the same reason. We have to paint in contrasts, in love and from loss, and we have to find eventually that the whole picture is filled, and we are filled, from what we take, find, lose, gain, learn, give and create with the multitudes of people who loved us, in the multitude of ways that happens.
You’ll realize you knew the answers to your questions all along, it was only a matter of having the courage to act on them. You’ll let go when you don’t realize you’re doing it. You will have to learn that loving someone doesn’t always mean that being with them is the answer. You’ll realize that love is enough, but the kind of love that makes you stay only partly comes from the person you stay with. The other part comes from you.
You’ll realize you don’t have to be out of love to say goodbye. You’ll learn to separate the two: the loving part of you and the logical part of you. You’ll learn to use them in tandem. You’ll learn that two such things can be used in tandem, though you were taught otherwise and it seems impossible. What you’ll find eventually is the only love worth having is the kind that’s there even when the rest is gone.
Every so often, we come across people that unwittingly change us. We meet them and we immediately want to be everything they want us to be. We want to be their perfect person, we want to become what they’ve always imagined they’d have. We drop everything and plunge in head-first into something that we trust will be good for us, something that we hope will fill us. Something that we hope will complete us. We choose to push ourselves aside for the happiness of a particular person, knowing that their happiness will in turn make us happy.
And it does work. It works on mornings that you see a smile on their face because you have coffee and breakfast waiting for them. It works when you see them genuinely excited over something they had simply mentioned they wanted, and there it was waiting for them when they got home from work. It works when you see them slyly hiding a smirk as you show them something they had been dying to see. It works when you make them feel like the only person in the world, they eat it up, you build them up.
It works for as long as you let it, and then you realize that the person isn’t doing the same for you. You question their acts and inevitably compare them to your own. Things become sticky when you begin to do things in hopes that they pick up on it, and do the same for you. You no longer give out of the goodness of your heart, you now give out of an expectation that is needed to be met because you’ve kept at it for so long.
And it hurts.
It hurts because you wonder how long you have to keep this up. It hurts because not only has someone else pushed you aside but you have even pushed yourself aside and now you’re left with nothing. You’re left with pieces and no glue. It hurts because you preached about something that you thought you had, that you thought you knew. You shunned people off that were only trying to look out for you. It hurts because you now have a giant lump in your throat called pride that you can’t manage to get down. It hurts because you’re starting from the bottom once again, and you’re not used to being this low.
So you try. And you try until it aches. You try until you have to be brutally honest, not only with the other person, but with yourself. You try until all you have left to give is equivalent to begging drops to come out of the sky knowing you’re living through a drought. You’re empty. And you’ve become exhausted. And you willingly come to the conclusion that the perfect picture you have laid out on the table for others to see is no longer existent. Because it never was.
And you crumble. You crumble into pieces and shards, and you wonder how long it’ll be until it hits you or until you find someone willing to help you pick yourself back up. You become selfish. You become ruthless. You no longer care about anyone but yourself, because doing the opposite is what got you to this spot in the first place.
But you still believe. You still believe there is time in starting over. You believe in the purity of love and friendship. You believe in finding someone who believes you hung the moon. You believe there will be someone who won’t take you for granted. Because even the biggest, baddest, coldest, most independent person still yearns to be craved, to be touched, to be loved exactly for who they are. Someone who won’t judge. Someone who will be honest. Someone who isn’t going to stop trying after already knowing that you aren’t going anywhere.
Because sometimes they do leave. Sometimes they do grow a pair and realize that they are still young and able. That they have so many more years left to live and so many opportunities to take. So many more loves to experience, so much more to give. They leave in hopes of finding themselves again, and chasing after what they’ve always wanted because it wasn’t fair for someone else to get what they wanted and you not doing the same for yourself.
So you’ll run.
And you know you’ll run out of breath, and you know that your lungs will get heavy and begin to burn because you’ll be moving too fast for your own good. And you know you’ll have to walk, sometimes crawl, but you know that you’ll be moving a lot faster than you were before. And for now, that’s enough.